Lessons Learned in the Trenches: Part 2

For the first post in this "Lessons Learned in the Trenches" series, click here.

2. There's Always Something....

"Things will get better once we ________."
"I'll do (think about, start, get around to) ________ when things calm down."
"I know I need to ________, but things are just so crazy right now!"

These phrases, and other mantras like them were common in my thinking during the long battle. We would often laugh about what on earth we would do with ourselves when, for the first time in our ten years of marriage, Seth didn't constantly have schoolwork hanging over his head. We pictured ourselves sitting on the couch in the evenings, flipping channels or reading for pleasure.

I certainly won't say that we have not had any increase in our leisure time, nor will I maintain that our stress level and pace of life is entirely unchanged. But, as I recently heard someone say in regards to an I'll-consider-it-when-things-calm-down attitude, "When have you ever had a calm week in your life?!" I think most of us tend to believe that our stressful circumstances are temporary and that a less hectic future is in store for us if we can just make it around the next corner. Unfortunately, there's always something.

Our life is definitely more balanced now than it was while Seth was writing. There were periods during which we barely saw him and hardly ever ate a meal together as a whole family. There were exhausting weeks of doing nearly all the childcare, dish washing, cooking, cleaning (what little got done in those days), bathing, and discipline alone. So some of the "extra time" we expected to have once school was done was absorbed into those aspects of family life that had suffered some imbalance. But I also found that in the absence of one Pressure, others were quick to arise and vie to take its place.

In the beginning I promised this series would be encouraging. Thus far it seems I have painted a rather bleak picture with my second lesson. Is there hope in this reality? Yes! I have learned that while there's always something, that stress and burn-out are not the inevitable results, neither must this truth always further a hectic lifestyle. Rather, the following principles have come to guide my thinking about this second lesson:

• The Christian life is a "race that is set before us." Paul encourages us to "lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and ... run with endurance ... looking to Jesus." (see Hebrews 12:1-2) 

  This passage tells us how we should run ("with endurance"), what allows us to keep running ("looking to Jesus"), and also WHY we are running: the "race" is "set before us" by God! In this sense life is supposed to be an endurance race. If we are obeying God we will be running--long and hard. But if we run in the strength of Jesus the race will not overwhelm us. To use another biblical metaphor, the result of submission to the yoke of Christ (obedience to His plan for our lives--our "race") is a "burden" that is easy and light, because it is the one He created us to carry!

• Serving God and fulfilling His purpose for my life is not "over there" but here.

  It is so easy to get in my mind that when I get to that place I will really be able to start doing what God wants me to do with my life. The thing is, the destination is always changing. When I get to college ... when I get married ... when we start our family ... when we graduate from seminary ... when Seth gets a teaching job.... Turns out the old cliche really is great advice: bloom where you're planted. This is both a lesson of (1) contentment and (2) action: (1) quit waiting for this or that to happen in order to gain happiness (in this context: quit waiting for this busy season to pass) and (2) get busy with the work God has for you to do! No more excuses!

• A full life is a blessing; a busy life is a curse.

The stress and burn-out I mentioned above are some of the negative effects of busyness. Busyness is me trying to do more and be more than that for which God created me: trying to attain perfect standards, fulfill assignments beyond my giftedness, or a hundred other little distractions with which I can fill up my life. Fullness is God working through me each and every day to accomplish His purposes.

I have a cheap, orange plastic paintbrush I keep in a jar in my kitchen. When I see this paintbrush each morning it reminds me to pray what I call my Paintbrush Prayer: "God, paint the picture You want to create on the canvas of my day. And please use me as your paintbrush." It is amazing how full, yet peaceful and energizing my day can be when I simply acknowledge that I am not the master craftsman, only the tool.

• Living a life that lines up with my priorities means saying "no" to good things to embrace what is best.

Once again, the fact that there's always something can lead to major stress and burn-out in our lives. Especially as a mother of three pre-school children I can find myself in this mode pretty quickly when I am not careful to guard my time and monitor my commitment level.

In our dissertation season of life I tried to keep my activities outside our home to a very bare minimum. If I was overcommitted to outside activities and thus less attentive to meal preparation, clutter control in our home, and our children's routines, it was a distraction and source of stress for Seth. After graduation I was able to consider opportunities with more openness. But it has still been necessary for me to carefully consider my involvements.

I have found that if my reality is ever going to match up with my priorities I am going to have to budget time for those important tasks, just as I would budget money for a needed item. When I began to budget out my time and rearrange my schedule according to my priorities I made an interesting observation. I wasn't able to simply cut out all the "bad" things, the wasted time, and paste in the things of value. You see, I wasn't really spending my time on worthless pursuits--it was pretty much all good stuff! But as I tried to look at my time through new lenses, I recognized there were good things that weren't best. There were tasks I had taken on because I felt I "had to;" some of my pursuits were motivated by guilt, fear or obligation, while some were merely old habits. In letting go of some of these good things I made more room to live in light of the important, not merely the urgent.

We are still learning the fine art of balancing life with three children, church ministry, work (in a field unrelated to Seth's career), career development, running our home, friendships, health, finances.... But I have learned that I can't count on our "three ring circus" to leave town anytime soon, so I'm going to have to learn to juggle!