After a relaxing day of opening presents and spending time as a family, we piled into the van to go to a friend's house for Christmas dinner. We all marveled at how the snowfall from the night before had given us the quintessential White Christmas we all dream and sing about. We were almost to our destination when disaster struck in the form of a patch of slush on a freeway on-ramp. We lost traction and ultimately spun 180 degrees, slamming into the concrete barrier, and coming to a stop on the shoulder. The engine was sputtering so Seth turned the car off and started to make phone calls. Meanwhile, I got into the backseat to check on the kids. Everyone was shaken up, but unharmed. After I was satisfied that the kids were not hurt, I tried to get back to my seat, but I was unable to open the sliding door from the inside. I squatted down in the space between the seat and the door and prayed that other drivers would slow down. Unfortunately, the slushy patch continued to present a hazard and two other cars lost control, hitting each other further up the ramp. Then a fourth car hit the same patch and came sliding straight for us. We had hardly any time to react before it slammed into the front of our car. The kids were terrified, but mostly unhurt (Channah did have a tiny gash on her chin). Seth was badly bruised on his forearm and had some other bumps and bruises, but my head struck the plastic handle of Judah's infant carrier and I sustained a pretty nasty laceration to my forehead. Shortly after the second impact a friend arrived to transport the kids to safety. I got to visit the ER where they called in a plastic surgeon to stitch up my head, but thankfully determined that I was otherwise in tact. About 4 hours after the accident we were reunited with the kids in the safety of our friends' home. Needless to say it was a Christmas we will never forget.
I share this story in part for the value of written memory, one that will now be part of our family story. But what compels me to write is to record part of a much bigger story, the unfolding of which has been powerful to the point of utterly overwhelming me. From the very beginning of this journey - as early as the moments I lay alone in the ER - I knew God had protected us. Images of what could have been came unbidden to my mind. I knew that I could have easily lost my husband or my life if circumstances had been only slightly different. Later I realized God's hand of protection once again as I learned that Benj & Leila had also taken their seat belts off after the first crash. I knew that God was good. But that He was about to take this horrific circumstance and use it for great good, many times over, did not enter my mind.
Our church has recently been studying the biblical picture of the church as a body. We have been learning that we need each other and can not expect to function without the support of those God has placed together in the family we call Hope Church. We have been privileged to have a front row seat from which to witness the body of Christ functioning as a unit. Seth and I, as individual parts of the body, were not capable of functioning on our own through many aspects of these past couple of weeks. We found ourselves time and time again in places of need, large and small, and our church family responded with the true love Jesus says His followers have for each other:
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." (I John 3:16-18)We have been loved well! Not just with words, but with actions. Dear friends risked their safety on the dangerous roads that night to bring us to safety and to be with us in the hospital. Dinner plans, skype calls, transportation plans, and sleeping arrangements were interrupted and rearranged. It was decided (mostly for the sake of our frightened children) that we would spend the night where we were. Our friends sacrificially gave up their own bed for us and slept on couches so that we could rest well that night. Words of concern and compassion poured in, prayers were lifted up. And this love continued far beyond these first expressions. The next few days were a jumble of painful details, emotions, and physical repercussions. Our Hope Church family responded immediately, generously, and practically providing meals for several nights and impromptu babysitting on several occasions.
Knowing our only car was totalled, we began to discuss how we would go about replacing it. We were forced to face the fact that while 6 months or a year ago we could have paid cash for a used vehicle in an emergency situation, we could no longer do so. We have been hit hard financially over the past year with many different unexpected expenses that have been completely out of our control. As we discussed our financial situation all the tears that I had not yet cried came pouring out. For me, this was the lowest point emotionally.
A couple of days later we received a large gift from some very dear friends from a former church we attended. We were humbled and so blessed by their generosity. It was a much-needed boost of encouragement. A couple of days after that, we came home after looking at the fifth van in three days. We were a little discouraged because we wanted to buy it but not having money in hand and unable to secure the loan we were applying for that day, we lost it to another buyer. There was a little envelope in the mail from some other friends. Inside were not only experienced and wise words of comfort and encouragement, but also another large gift. The very distinct thought came into my heart that this was God's way of saying to me, "See? I'm taking care of you." I shared these incredible blessings with a close friend of mine and she commented, "When the circulation is cut off to the hands and feet the heart and lungs work harder." Again, the beauty of the imagery of a body caring for its individual parts for the well-being of the whole hit me with its power. Just as the EMT at the scene of the accident had taken steps to stem the flow of blood from my head, our brothers and sisters in Christ were working sacrificially and tirelessly to stop the bleeding in a metaphorical sense. The next morning we were further blessed by our church family as they gave generously to help us with our financial needs. Again, we were humbled, encouraged, joyful and grateful for how abundantly God was providing.
A little over a week after the accident we purchased a used van in good condition. Not wanting to keep the expensive rental car through the entire settlement process, we took out a somewhat modest loan to pay for the car and were soon sitting in our new car. Shortly after everything was finalized, we received a call from a family member. In the course of that conversation we again experienced amazing provision as we learned that we were going to receive a third large gift. 30 minutes after we took out a loan we did not want we had the means to pay off a large portion of it. A few days later Seth received a check from our church for the amount of the offering that had been received on Sunday. We were overwhelmed by the generosity and sacrifice of our precious church family. With that gift God had provided for us the exact amount we needed to pay off the car - with $10 to spare!
In my mind everything had now come full circle. But God wasn't done yet. The next day Seth came home from work and told me he had talked to the total-loss adjuster from the insurance company that day. In all the details, I had completely forgotten about the insurance settlement for the car! It had been an older van that had a few issues. We weren't expecting a huge settlement, but still, in that moment I thought it would be awesome if it was a few hundred dollars to help us pay for the rental and registration fees for the new van. The amount he handed me on a piece of paper was larger than I was expecting. My eyes overflowed right along with my heart. Later we realized that the settlement would cover not only the rental and registration, but also a couple of repairs we need to make on the new van AND help pay off the small amount remaining on a loan we had to take out because of the huge loss we sustained last year on the sale of our house.
This fall I have wrestled with some discontentment over what God was requiring of us - continuing large-scale financial loss and prolonged living in a cramped apartment. I have been learning to discipline myself to act on my belief that God is love and His will is always best. When we had the accident I remember thinking, "I guess this is why God pressed me so hard to surrender our housing situation because now we will be in the apartment for a lot longer." Little did I know that He would use this situation to actually bless us financially! I have learned through this experience that God truly works for our good. It's not just a nice thing to say.
Another significant experience for me was seeing God care for me in ways only He could. There were times when my thoughts and emotions caused me to panic and experience great fear. In many of those moments I prayed for peace and He gave it to me. For many days I experienced battles with intense emotional lows. I asked Him to restore my joy and He did. I leaned on God and found Him to be my rock.
The last huge spiritual lesson for me, so far, has been the most amazing of all. I mentioned a close friend with whom I was sharing this journey in pretty specific detail. I texted her when we received the check from the church and she texted back that she had fallen to the floor crying. She had been praying for a specific amount, and God had answered (with $10 to spare). She said the fact that God clearly answered "yes" to a specific prayer gave her hope she had not had in a long time. This was hugely significant because over the past couple of years she has had some incredibly difficult circumstances to deal with. A couple of months ago the past 2 years culminated in a situation that brought even more significant heartache. Since that time I had been particularly impressed with a heart to pray for hope for her. A direct result of our accident is that God has begun to answer that prayer. That He can take a terrible circumstance and turn it around, not only for our good, but for the good of someone I care about deeply is overwhelming to me.
I am so thankful for the things God is teaching me through this difficult season. I understand joy in the pain so much more clearly than I ever have before.
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5I know this to be true - not only because I choose in faith to believe it - but because my heart has experienced it.
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