Since Seth posted that we subscribe to the "potty training in a day" method on facebook a couple of weeks ago I have had a few people ask about how we do this. I decided this is a good time for me to write this post since any pride I had in the fact that our first two children were potty trained in 1-2 days is demolished. :) Leila took 4 WHOLE...LONG days. But! She is completely potty trained now, and for what it's worth, here's how it happens at our house....
(Disclaimer: As with many subjects within the realm of parenting, I think this is one good way to do it. There are also other good ways to potty train that work better for other families. Just so you know.)
Overview
This will be a long post, so here are the basics in a nutshell:
- This method requires my total and complete attention for 1-4 days.
- It is important to make sure the child is "ready" for potty training. None of my kids have really shown the classic signs that we are usually taught to associate with readiness (asking for a diaper change, going off to "do business" privately) but I do look for ability to understand and receive instruction, interest in other transitions that we deem "big boy/big girl" milestones (crib to bed, for example) and age. Our kids have tended to be ready closer to age 3 than to age 2.
- Once we take off the last diaper, we do not wear anymore diapers (or pull-ups, except for nap & night).
- Since this process is not a behavior-based process, but rather the learning of new skills, we use rewards to reinforce the desired skills. We have used both sticker charts and food "treats."
- "Staying dry & clean" earns one reward.
- "Using the potty to stay dry & clean" earns double rewards.
- We set a timer and sit on the potty every 10 minutes throughout the day (extended to 15 or 20 later in the day, depending on how we are doing). This is not optional for the child. When the timer rings it is simply time to sit.
- After the first success we call Daddy to share the news. This is always a big moment. :)
- When an accident occurs we practice the entire process 10 times in a row to reinforce the new desired habit. (Please note: This is intended to reinforce habit & muscle memory, not to punish the child.)
- When we graduate from the every-10-minutes phase we sit on the potty at (loosely) scheduled times: before meals, after meals, before nap, before bed, etc.
- At an appropriate time in the process the entire family participates in a "Yay!" party.
The first thing you must know about potty training in a day (or four) is that it takes complete commitment to this one, and only this one task. I completely clear my schedule. No school, no chores, no errands, no phone calls. I am prepared to work with the child almost exclusively for at least one whole day (but I plan on 2-4 days). I don't plan on sneaking in a load of laundry or dishes or even making dinner.
Before we started this time I sat my older two children down and explained to them that they were going to need to play by themselves a lot that day, that I wasn't going to be able to help them as much, and that they were going to need to be very patient when they needed me. I played up their maturity and independence and explained that when they were Leila's age I spent an entire day with them, teaching them how to use the potty. (During this conversation I also explained that Leila was going to be getting some special drinks & treats to help her learn how to use the potty. I told them I would give them their own treats later on in the day, but the potty treats were just for Leila. I also let them in on the "secret" that when Leila learned how to use the potty we would have a "Yay Leila!" party and we would ALL get to taste the special treats that Leila had been getting.) I have read that it is best to send the older kids to grandma's house for the day, or weekend to avoid all this. I don't have that option, living 2,000 miles away from both sets of grandparents, but if I could I would definitely do that!
There are several things I gather before the Big Day:
- Plenty of clean underwear/panties. We have about 12 pairs.
- Plenty of clean pants. I like sweatpants, jeans (esp. lined with jersey knit), anything absorbent. I put these all in a big stack in a central place, along with the underwear/panties.
- "Fun" drinks, different from what my kids normally drink. We used lemondade this time.
- Treats. Something with lots of small pieces like M&Ms, smarties, fruit snacks, Skittles....
- A timer.
- A doll (We do not use an expensive "potty doll.")
- An absorbent pad. I use chux pads from the hospital, but you could also use a folded up towel.
- Pull ups (for nap & night).
I always start potty training after breakfast so as soon as we get up in the morning I make a big deal about changing the LAST diaper! We start really talking up the underwear/panties that we are going to put on after breakfast.
After breakfast I make sure I have everything assembled in one place that I will need for the day. I actually wear an apron with pockets so I have the treats, my phone, and the timer handy. I prepare a sippy cup with a special drink, gather my stack of dry clothing, and get a stash of books, games, and other things to keep us occupied in one area.
Once I am prepared the big moment has arrived. We put on the underwear/panties! Then I say for the first time what will become my mantra for the next few days: We are going to learn how to keep our panties dry and clean. I explain that when you feel like you need to go pee pee you need to stop your pee pee until you sit on the potty, then you make your pee pee go in the potty.
To illustrate I take the child to the potty, along with the role-play doll and our sippy cup. I give the child a drink from the sippy cup and encourage her to give her doll a pretend drink. We play with the doll for a few moments and then I ask the child to check to see if her doll is dry. I show her how to check with two fingers and, of course, the doll is dry! We break out the treats! The child gets to give her doll ONE treat (which, after the doll pretend-eats, I let the child eat). This is one M&M, one smartie, etc. I explain that we get one treat for having dry and clean panties ! Then we take another drink and play for a few more moments. This time we pretend that the doll needs to go potty. We go through all the steps: pulling down the doll's panties, sitting on the potty, making a "ssss" sound (I pour water in the potty from a little cup) and then looking to see that the doll went potty! Time for more treats! This time the doll gets TWO treats and I explain that we get two treats for using the potty to stay dry and clean. This is usually the end of the usefulness of the role-play for us, but it gets the point across of what we are trying to do.
Then I start the cycle I will repeat throughout the day:
- Remind and encourage the child to drink frequently.
- Set the timer for 10 minutes at a time.
- We play together and I ask frequently (every 1-2 minutes at first), "do you need to go potty?" (While we play I have the child sit on the absorbent pad.)
- Sometimes we have our first accident before the timer rings (see "First Accident" below), but if we make it the whole 10 minutes without an accident I announce that it's time to check to see if we are dry. We both check for dryness and if dry, I give the child one treat.
- I have the child sit on the potty. I don't ask, I tell them, "OK, it's time to sit." We sit on the potty for no less than 4 minutes at a time to give us a greater chance of having an "accidental success." I usually read books until they get bored. Between books I reinforce the language: "Now you are sitting on the potty. Can you make your pee pee go in the potty?"
- If nothing happens after a little while we pull up the panties and re-set the timer for 10 minutes.
First Accident
We have always had our first accident before our first success, so I'll talk about that first.
Once it becomes obvious that the first accident is occuring or has occurred (I can usually tell by the surprised look on their faces) I jump into action. I remind the child "stop your pee pee until we get to the potty" and get them to the potty as soon as possible. The first time there is usually nothing left to actually go in the potty, but we sit anyway and talk through the process again: "when you feel like you need to go pee pee you need to stop your pee pee until you sit on the potty, then you make your pee pee go in the potty. We want to keep our panties dry and clean." To reinforce the language I am using I sometimes gently press the wet panties against the child's upper thigh to illustrate "wet" and then, as we change into dry panties we talk about how "dry" feels.
It is important, especially with the first accident, to maintain a fun, encouraging tone and to reassure the child that he/she hasn't done anything wrong! Learning to be a big boy/girl takes practice. I try to focus on how proud I am that they are trying and how exciting it will be to figure it out!
After the clothes are changed it is back to the beginning of the cycle. I re-set the timer and start the 10-minute process again, alway pushing the drinks! (Note: In the overview I talked about practicing 10 times when an accident occurs. I have tried this process after the first accident and found it frustrating. Therefore, I now like to wait until we have had a successful trip to the potty once or twice before I introduce this element. One thing at a time. :) )
First Success
I mentioned above how important it is to handle the first accident appropriately. Surprisingly, it has been my experience that it is equally important to handle the first success with sensitivity. Two of my children have been somewhat startled by the new sensation and needed reassurance that they really did the right thing. Leila actually cried after she went in the potty for the first time!
Of course the first order of business is to reward the success with a double treat! Next, we call Daddy with the news. (I do this while still sitting on the potty in case something else happens to come out while we are on the phone. :) ) Then I introduce the habits that go along with using the potty: pull up the panties & pants, flush the potty, wash hands, etc., all the while encouraging and celebrating this big step towards being a big kid!
When we are done with all this I start the 10-minute cycle again.
"Number Two"
We have handled bowel training differently with each child, depending on his or her personal schedule. For us, being potty trained and being "bowel trained" have been two separate events, with the later occuring about a week after the former. I don't have an easy answer for how we have accomplished it, other than if the child has a particular time when I know she does her business I make that a scheduled time to sit on the potty for awhile. I have even set the potty in front of the TV and put on a short DVD to keep her sitting there for a good long time. Other than that, I do my best to catch them at the very beginning of the act so I can help them start to form the new habit. Leila is still about 50/50 on getting her #2's in the right place. I do have a few tricks that worked with the first two, but I'll spare you the details. If you are interested email me. :)
Accidents
Once we are into the process and have had a couple of successful trips to the potty I start introducing the muscle memory/habit reinforcement process. When an accident occurs we do everything we did for the first accident and once everything is cleaned up we practice the process 10 times in a row. I first tell the child that we are going to practice staying dry & clean 10 times, then we do it.
Here's what that looks like:
- We go back to exactly where the child was and what she was doing when the accident happened.
- I say, "When you feel like you need to go pee pee you need to stop playing (eating, or whatever) and go to the potty. You say, 'I need to go potty!' and you stop your pee pee. Keep it inside your body. Go fast, fast, fast to the potty!" (All the while I am physically maneuvering the child, helping her jump up, walk quickly to the potty - or even carrying her - etc.)
- When we get to the potty I help her pull down her pants/panties, to show how we need to do it fast and sit.
- I say, "Now you can let your pee pee go in the potty. See? You stayed dry & clean! (I rub the dry panties on her leg.)"
- We get off the potty, pull up the pants/panties and I announce cheerfully, "Great job! That's ONE."
- We repeat the entire process, counting each time and keeping the tone light & fun. Sometimes I have experienced meltdowns after several repetitions. If I can distract and keep going I do, but if it becomes a major issue I let it go. With Leila I actually didn't introduce the practicing element until day 3 because I thought it would cause more problems than it solved. Once she was more comfortable with the process we introduced this element and that is really when we turned the corner and began to see the lightbulb coming on!
A fun thing to do once everything is "clicking" and the child is definitely getting it is to have a family party. Whenever we are celebrating a success in our family we tend to call it a "Yay! Party." In the case of Leila being potty trained we had a "Yay Leila! Party." This was a time for us to celebrate Leila's success and also a time for everyone to get to share some of the treats Leila had been receiving as part of the potty training process. For example, we all drank lemondade and had M&M's for dessert.
Nap and Nighttime
With experience my personal philosophy has become that nap & nighttime dryness will come in time. I really don't do anything extraordinary to push it. For Benj it came almost immediately. He wasn't napping anymore by the time he was potty trained so that wasn't an issue. He wore pull-ups at night for about 3-4 months but was almost always dry so after awhile I quit. I can't remember that he has ever wet the bed. Talia had a dry pull-up consistently after naptime after a couple of weeks. She took a long time to become night trained (8-9 months?) I just let her wear pull-ups until she was consistently dry in the morning. (I personally think that uninterrupted sleep is worth buying pull-ups for awhile.) It eventually happened and she almost never wets the bed now.
A word about naps for the first few days: The first day the child definitely needs a break! I put a pull-up on and don't worry at all about instructing her not to pee in it. With Leila, since the process took a few days, I did skip a nap one day because I felt like we were really losing momentum each day at naptime. It seemed like she would "save it up" to empty in her pull-up and then by the time we got enough liquid back in her to cause her to need to go again it would be that hectic time of day when Daddy is getting home, dinner prep is underway, etc. and lots of accidents would occur. The one day I did keep her up from her nap I had her sit next to me (on her absorbent pad) on the couch and look at books. It did help to be able to keep the momentum going on this one day and it was not necessary to skip another nap.
Conclusion
If you are still reading you must be definitely interested in this method, in which case I will encourage you: the benefits are worth the high time investment! I have really enjoyed that the short process helps us keep a positive focus. Although there can definitely be frustrations or discouragement, eventually perseverance pays off and both of you can look back and say, "Look what we did!"
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1 comment:
Wow. Holy cow. You should write a parenting book. Even though I'm past the potty-training phase, I enjoyed reading this entire, fascinating post.
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