You may have noticed: my posts have been largely photographic as of late. While I enjoy sharing the adventures of my little people with you in living color, that is not why I started this site.
When Benjamin was a few months old my sadness over the little things that were forever gone and forgotten prompted me to seek a format where I could quickly record the sweet details of life. To tell the truth, I blogged more for the sake of memory-keeping than informing. It occurs to me that slowly I have been lured away from that original purpose and onto the wide road of me-istic blogging. That is, imagining that friends and family are anticipating with rapt attention the next historical event in the life of Benjamin & Talia. I am under an imaginary cumpulsion to include each event, to perfectly chronicle a day's events with a photographic sequence that tells the entire story. I include progressively more information and less feeling.
In my limited experience, one of the greatest pitfalls of motherhood is guilt, second only to perfection. It is easy to spend so much time (there's that imaginary cumpulsion again) preparing to live the perfect family life (reading, gathering ideas, organizing, list-making, obsessively tracking, etc.) that there is no time left to live it. Guilt is both the culprit and the symptom; it drives me to continue the frantic pace but accuses me when I inevitably fall behind.
Yesterday I sat down to "catch up" on the blog, armed with a list of 6 events I had not yet chronicled and a strong sense of duty. Today I remember that the memories and the moments are far superior to the events. I hope to recapture some of this original spirit as I continue to blog.
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2 comments:
Well thought and well spoken.
May your muse continue to find you.
Titus
Hear Hear!
There is so much to be said for living and experiencing the moments in our lives.
"Being in the moment" is a skill, and maybe even a virtue, as I am continually distracted by the demands of life and efforts to construct my life in ways other than which God has put it before me.
Realizing I am a fallen creature(extraordinarily far from perfect), and accepting that God love's me and forgives me (nearly incomprehensible), is a vital part of my daily struggles with pride (guilt and perfectionism).
I think about when Jesus instructed the Apostles to go into all the world and preach the gospel. Did he lay out a timetable? Was he concerned about where they would start or finish? I likely would have been more concerned how this was going to happen and theorizing about how best to do it; thus missing much of my opportunity (and the entire point)of "going" and "preaching."
Love you,
It is great to be able to peek in on you from time to time.
Bradley
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